The Good Book says it’s better to give than to receive
I do my best to do my part
Nothin’ in my pockets, I got nothin’ up my sleeve
I keep my magic in my heart
Keep up your spirit, keep up your faith, baby
I am counting on you
You know what you’ve got to do

(Triumph – 80’s rock band)

What is up with more recent generations, who often don’t say thank you or express appreciation for others’ paying bills, buying groceries, preparing meals, dining out, creating education opportunities, and many other instances where in the past, people did so? Has this been the new norm for a while now and I just missed the memo? Maybe the email got lost in my AOL spam folder. Perhaps I am behind the times.

I think that my observation touches on a fascinating dynamic: gratitude as a social and cultural norm seems to have diluted over generations, influenced by shifts in our values, communication styles, and societal structures. In the past, gratitude wasn’t just a taught virtue. Expression of gratitude often had real tangible stakes, such as maintaining social connections, securing resources, or avoiding ostracization. A lack of a call thanking an older relative for a birthday or graduation gift would consequently cease future generosities. The pendulum now seems to have swung, with younger generations often less in sync with older generations as to the importance of explicit expressions of gratitude, especially in personal and financial matters.

For example, take the following scenario with a person choosing to treat a small group to an expensive fine dining experience. The younger participants freely order appetizers, entrees, and alcohol without regard for cost or acknowledgment that there may be a budget. At the end of the meal, all comment on how good the meal was, and then go on their separate ways. Another instance may be where an aging grandparent distributes their wealth before their passing but receives little appreciation nor thanks for the efforts that might greatly influence the beneficiaries’ futures. This behavior might stem from several interconnected factors:

Why This Happens

1. Changing Norms and Expectations
   • In the past, gratitude was tied to survival and societal belonging. Today, individualism and a sense of entitlement may inadvertently reduce the perceived need to express thanks.
   • Younger generations might see expressions of generosity as routine, expected or transactional, especially if they’ve grown up with parents or elders providing without clear expectations of acknowledgment.
2. Generational Blind Spots
   • Many in their young adulthood haven’t had to manage substantial expenses themselves. Without the firsthand experience of the time and effort required to afford luxuries, they might not fully grasp the significance of such gestures.
   • Digital communication norms have shifted the way gratitude is expressed, with younger people often favoring indirect methods over explicit verbal thanks, such as via texting emojis or likes.
3. Social and Economic Pressures
   • With stressors like social issues, economic uncertainty, college costs, and other debt, younger people may unconsciously prioritize their immediate pleasure over reflecting on the bigger picture of generosity and sacrifice.

Addressing the Issue

If someone cares to bridge this gap constructively, here are some strategies:

1. Be the Example and Model by Discussing Gratitude
   • Share how you learned the value of expressing thanks and why it’s meaningful. For example, one might say, “When I was younger, I eventually realized how important it was to show my appreciation, not just out of politeness, but because it helps to build and strengthen relationships.”
   • Express your own gratitude openly, as this sets an example for others. For example, one could acknowledge the chef or server during the dining experience, demonstrating the power of recognition.
2. Gently Raise Awareness
   • Reflect on the experience with them afterward. For instance: “I really enjoyed treating everyone to dinner, it was quite a special occasion for me. I hope you all felt the same way.”
   • If you can find it appropriate, bring up the idea of cost in a non-confrontational way, such as: “Fine dining is a real treat. It made me think about how much time and effort goes into making something like that possible and memorable.”
3. Set Expectations Going Forward
   • For similar future outings, one could propose some light boundaries or discussions about the value of shared experiences. For example, “Let’s keep it simple and focus on enjoying the moment. Feel free to order what you’d like, but keep in mind that we’re here to share a meaningful time together.”

Big Picture

While it might feel disheartening in the moment, remember that younger generations often do appreciate acts of kindness but might lack the social tools or awareness to express it in a way that others may recognize. By modeling, discussing, and gently guiding, you can help foster an understanding of gratitude that feels authentic to both parties, ensuring these experiences are both enjoyable and meaningful.

I teach and offer lectures about holistic health, physical fitness, stress management, human behavior, meditation, phytotherapy (herbs), music for healing, self-massage (acupressure), Daoyin (yoga), qigong, tai chi, and baguazhang.

Please contact me if you, your business, organization, or group, might be interested in hosting me to speak on a wide spectrum of topics relative to better health, fitness, and well-being.

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Jim Moltzan

407-234-0119